what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
