Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
