I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
