Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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