I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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