i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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