how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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