they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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