we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
