She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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