everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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