Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
