my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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