I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
