She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
