Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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