I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
