at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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