My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
