I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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