there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
