bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
