Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
