The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
