After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
soo... how was my night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
