he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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