the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
