Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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