I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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