making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
