Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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