He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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