My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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