so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
