After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
