Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
