So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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