My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
