Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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