Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
