i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
