Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They took my balls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
