ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
