well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can't motorboat a personality
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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