it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
