bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
