Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
