im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
