its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
