You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
