I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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