Your face is a jimmy john
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
